Friday, May 1, 2009

Circular do Dia

 
Circular interna (verídica) de uma multinacional americana em Portugal (no Porto), contra a linguagem dos trabalhadores do Norte:
 
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It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate Headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Portuguese-speaking staff.
 
Such behavior, in addition to violating our Policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.
 
In order to avoid such situations please note that all Staff is kindly requested to IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:
 
1) Words like merda, caralho, foda-se, porra or puta-que-o-pariu and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion.
 
2) You will not say cagada when someone makes a mistake, or ganda-merda if you see somebody either being reprimanded or making a mistake, or que-grande-cagada when a major mistake has been made. All forms derivate from the verb cagar are inappropriate in our environment. 
 
3) No project manager, section head, or executive, under no circumstances, will be referred to as filho-da-puta, cabrão, ó-grande-come-merda, or vaca-gorda-da-puta-que-a-pariu.
 
4) Lack of determination will not be referred to as falta-de-colhões or coisa-de-maricas and neither will persons who lack initiative as picha-mole, corno, or mariconso.
 
5) Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as punheta-mental.
 
6) Do not say esse-cabrão-enche-a-porra-do-juízo if a person is persistent. When a task is heavy to achieve remember that you must not say é-uma-foda. In a similar way, do not use esse-gajo-está-fodido if colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say que-putedo when matters become complicated.
 
7) When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say vai-à-merda. Do not ever substitute "May I help you" with que-porra-é-que-tu-queres?? When things get tough, an acceptable statement such as "we are going through a difficult time" should be used, rather than isto-está-tudo-fodido.
 
8) No salary increase shall ever be referred to as aumento-dum-cabrão.
 
9) Last but not least after reading this memo please do not say mete-o-no-cu. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly. 
 
We hope you will keep these directions in mind. 
 
Thank you.
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(gentilmente enviado pelo meu estimado colega e amigo Manuel Moreira)
 

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